When I started with these postpartum posts I always intended for them to end at a year and that time has come. This will be my last post about my journey through this first year of motherhood. I will, of course, post mommy related things in the future, but not as a monthly update.
As I look back at these 12 months I’m not sure how to feel about it. It’s definitely a milestone for both Theodore and I. He’s a healthy, happy and energetic kid. He’s loving, funny and the absolute love of my life. I’ve been open about my challenges through this journey into motherhood. And although it continues to be tough some days, it’s by far the greatest thing I will ever do. I get to shape this incredible boy into the person I hope he’ll become. I get to spend everyday staring at his perfect face and watch him laugh with delight. I get to kiss his owies to make them better and watch him grow strong and fearless. So if you were to ask me if I would go through those challenges again, absolutely. Nothing in life worth having comes easy.
Theodore has changed me as a person to my core. Never in my life have I ever been more unsure about my abilities than when he arrived. But never in my life have I loved something so much that it became my mission to make sure he’s loved and protected.
These 12 months made me look at myself differently, to try to reflect on my own flaws and how I needed to change to be the best version of myself because he needs me at my best. That doesn’t mean perfect. I’m not perfect. I will make mistakes. I continue to struggle with my own inner battles. But I will continue to work on myself to become a better me than I was the day before. I’ve learned that I need to give myself a break sometimes. That being a mom is so much more than baking the perfect cake or having the tidiest home or the perfect Instagram life. That being a mom doesn’t mean that I have to do everything on my own or that I’m alone. I’ve had to step outside of my comfort zone and asked for help, whether that be my in-laws or a therapist. I needed to make the best decisions not just for me, but for Theodore.
Life is messy, it’s complicated and somethings are out of our control. But how you deal with situations is in our control. I’ve learned this. Maybe the hard way, but I have realized that motherhood is more than those superficial things. It’s about loving your child unconditionally and willing to do anything for them. To always put their needs above your own and to teach them the life lessons they will need to know to become self sufficient humans and to be a good person. That responsibility is the hardest thing I will ever have to do, but I will do it because it’s all worth it.
So yes, it’s taken 12 months for me to come full circle, to look back on the naive person I was before Theodore came along. He made me grow up and step up. I live a blessed life with an amazing supportive husband, in-laws that love me, a sister that never gives up on me and friends that I can count on. I have a beautiful home and I get to stay home with my son for over year before I go back to a career that I love. I don’t take any of those things for granted. What I’m most thankful for is my little Theodore, who still doesn’t sleep through the night. 😉 He picked me to be his mommy. I was the lucky one. And I will get through any challenge that comes my way. Why? Because, I’m a MOM.
